Mid Week Faith Lift
December 23, 2020
4th Sunday of Advent-Finding the Joy
Rev. Deb Hill-Davis
Each Advent season we enter a time of reflection, turning inward to take a deeper look into our own hearts as we await the birth of the Christ within. It is a time to really take stock of ourselves and to notice how we are different from this time last year. I came across a meme on my Facebook page that said “The older I get the shorter and shorter my Christmas list gets. What I want most are things that are intangible and that are priceless.” And that is the essence of the Advent story and the preparation for the birth of the Christ within each one of us. Joy is certainly intangible and priceless. Perhaps that is why it is the 4th Sunday of Advent. It is much more elusive and challenging to reach for what is intangible and what cannot be ordered on Amazon or contained in a greeting card.
We each sit with the question of how are we different that we were in 2019. How have we deepened our connection to our true nature and expanded our consciousness? How are we open to something more than what Rev. Jim Lee describes as a “great big old plate of sameness?” Clearly this year has moved us out of sameness. Christmas celebrations will not be the same and the whole season has not been the same. It seems like joy comes in little fits and starts rather than the abiding sense of joy and good will that comes when we all gather for our Christmas potluck and exchange white elephant gifts and laugh together.
The week before the Advent Sunday of Love was my week to fall apart. This past week I have had a number of calls with friends and family who were experiencing the same “fall apart feelings” that go with grief and loss. I heard my neighbor say, “Oh my God, I actually miss my husband’s business Christmas party and I hate those things!” Last Sunday, I had lots of moments of joy when you all stopped by to pick up your gift bags. I got to see and talk with UCOA peeps I had not seen for months! It was really great and gave me much joy. Including this mug from Jim and Nancy…..Pastor Warning: What you say or do may end up in the Sermon on Sunday!
On Monday our neighbor stopped by and stepped in for a moment to see our Christmas tree, just for a moment with a mask and social distancing! Last year we had them over for dinner. What that moment brought home to me is that joy comes in sharing the beauty we create with other people. Joy happens in us when we sing Christmas carols at Ames area nursing homes and see the people’s eyes light up with recognition and remembering the words and singing along. So much joy happens when we are together, in community, because even though we may be introverts, we are social creatures, we humans, and we do love being with those we love most, whether on Zoom, on the phone or in person.
It feels like this year, the challenge before us is to truly find that deep well of Joy within us that we spent so much time with during our lessons from the Book of Joy. We have been exploring Tara Brach’s actual process of finding joy in the Mindfulness steps of RAIN. We have explored Recognizing what is there and Allowing it to be there and feeling it. Collectively, we can recognize that there is a lot of sadness right now due to the pandemic and all the other race consciousness tensions, and we can allow it to be there because try as we might, there is no escape from this and all our coping strategies are wearing thin.
The next step is to Investigate how does it impact us? What I have been sharing so far are all the ways in which the challenges of this time are impacting us here at Unity of Ames and also personally. You each have your own story of this experience of the isolation and responses to the COVID journey. Last week Sally and I had to complete a report of all the music we had used from Jan. through June of 2020. That was a trip down memory lane of COVID that really highlighted how things changed so dramatically. Way back in March/April at Easter and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, we had NO idea what was ahead or how long it would last. This has been going on for a long time, hasn’t it? Kind of like the Catholic notion of Purgatory….not quite Hell, but not yet Heaven!
During this time of Advent introspection and this time of social distancing, we have had time to investigate what is behind all the feelings we are having right now. The very human truth is that what we often argue about with our spouse, our children or other family members is not REALLY about the subject of the fight, is it? I remember a good friend who went to therapy with her husband and at the rate of $90.00 per hour, quickly discovered that the argument was not about the laundry, it was about feeling valued and like each one really mattered to the other. We all have “issues” and when we investigate more deeply, it becomes clear that a prosperity issue is never about the money; a relationship issue is never about the other person and on and on it goes.
The deepest investigation, the deepest inquiry is when we can honestly ask ourselves and each other the very powerful question, “Where does it hurt?” And then just allow space for the answer without trying to fix, explain or take away the pain. Tara Brach recounts a story that Ruby Sales related to Krista Tippett during the On Being program, which goes like this. Ruby is a black woman and a veteran of the civil rights movement with a focus on spiritual community building. She was having her hair done when the daughter of her hairdresser came into the shop clearly exhausted from having spent a long night hustling on the street with sores on her body, and on drugs. Ruby asked the question, “Where does it hurt?” and the pent-up pain of the young woman began to pour out. Her story of sexual abuse as a child, of not feeling loved, all of it poured out with lots of tears. She just held the young woman, listened and loved her.
Ruby Sales’ question opens up the need to pay attention to the inner life of how we live in the world that gets to the root of pain and awakens understanding. Sales names this a theology of love. It is where we ask one another “What’s it like being you?” and then listen with empathy and compassion. That is what the “N” of the RAIN process calls for in us. The N stands for the word Nurture and it is essential that we learn to do this for ourselves and for one another. This kind of Nurture goes a lot deeper than the self-care of getting a regular massage or taking a long, hot bubble bath, or lighting scented candles and so on.
All of those are fine and nurturing, but this kind of Nurture is more a balm to the soul and the body. This kind of Nurture is when we wonder about others and tend to their wounds. It is the kind of process whereby we see and feel the hurts of our own woundedness and give tender, loving care to ourselves rather than trying to give the pain away by lashing out at others. It is a practice and one which is ongoing, daily, each and every day. It is not a one and done kind of deal. It is just like the actual rain; it happens on a regular basis.
When we learn to Nurture each other with words of comfort, “there, there, dear, just let yourself cry. You are so precious, so valued and loved. You are God’s beloved being in whom she is so well pleased.” When we can do that, then we experience that precious space that is called “after the RAIN” when we feel more real, more whole, more free and more loved. What we feel is true joy. It is that deep well of joy that sustains and frees us no matter what our outer conditions. Over time, with faithful practice, our well of joy deepens and sustains us ever more. We begin to see ourselves and one another as God sees us: with love, compassion and joy. As the Psalmist wrote in Psalm 16:11
“You show me the path of life. In your presence there is fullness of joy; in your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
It is more important than ever that we share the holy water tears of healing and tell each other how precious and valued we are. To close today, I am sharing the lyrics of a song that Clark Ford is currently writing. He sent it to me in an email this week and I am using it today with his permission. See, the words on that mug are so true…..what you tell the minister, or send in an email will show up….well you know the rest.
I Won't Give Up On You
You're tryin' to do it all alone
Don't wanna ask for help for all the trouble you're in
You try to push me away
But I'm holding you tight, I can feel your pain
I won't give up on you
No matter what you do
I will not walk away
I don't care what you say
Let it out, I can take it
You gotta howl at the moon, you can't stuff the pain
Let it out you don't have to fake it
Don't worry, I'll come back again and again
I won't give up on you
No matter what you do
I will not walk away
I don't care what you say
Don't give up on yourself
I'm here for you
You can make it through
I believe in you I won't give up on you
No matter what you do
I will not walk away
I don't care what you say
I won't give up on you
No matter what you do
I will not walk away
I don't care what you say
I won't give up on you
No matter what you do
~Clark Ford
Blessings on this journey of life to Joy!
Rev. Deb